Frighten the Horses

Frighten the Horses
Published by Roxane Gay Books

"I often think that the entire purpose of a human life is to see if we can somehow get FREE—if we can escape from the rules, expectations, and limitations of our families and our cultures in order to live an entirely different existence than the one that was assigned to us at birth. FRIGHTEN THE HORSES is the inspiring true story of one man's extraordinary journey of escape from the wrong marriage, the wrong gender, the wrong life, in order to become who he was always meant to be. This book is as sharp as razors, but it also pulses with a passionate, desperate, human urgency for truth and liberation. I am deeply grateful to have read it, and my hope is that Oliver's story will free many others, as well." Elizabeth Gilbert, author of City of Girls

From the outside, Oliver Radclyffe spent four decades living an immensely privileged, beautifully composed life. As the daughter of two well-to-do British parents and the wife of a handsome, successful man from an equally privileged family, Oliver played the parts expected of him. He checked off every box—marriage, children, a stately home in Connecticut, and a golden retriever.

But beneath the shiny veneer, Oliver was desperately trying to stay afloat as he struggled to maintain a facade of normalcy—his hair was falling out in clumps, he couldn’t eat or sleep— until, on an otherwise unremarkable afternoon in September, Oliver woke up and realized the life of a trapped housewife was not one he was ever meant to live. Finally recognizing that he’d spent his entire life denying the deepest truest parts of himself, he began the challenging, messy journey toward self-acceptance, knowing he risked the life he’d built to do so.

Frighten the Horses is a trans man’s coming of age story, about a housewife who comes out as a lesbian and tentatively, at first, steps into the world of queerness. With growing courage and the support of his newfound community, Oliver is finally able to face the question of his gender identity, and become the man he is supposed to be. The story of a flawed, fascinating, gorgeously queer man, Frighten the Horses introduces Oliver Radclyffe as a witty, arresting, unforgettable voice.