Frighten the Horses

by Oliver Radclyffe

Published by Roxane Gay Books

“Enjoyable to read and well written… Radclyffe writes movingly about parenting and the emotional risks of every step he takes toward affirming his maleness… [A]s a testament to midlife transition — especially in a time when so much of the cultural conversation around gender rights focuses on young people — Radclyffe’s memoir offers a valuable alternate narrative to the loss and pain that queer history has too often insisted on.” 
The New York Times 

“It’s the voice that makes this memoir stand out. This is a writer who can capture any moment with a dazzling, insightful, at times musical phrase.”
Oprah Daily 

“A Connecticut parent can no longer resist becoming the person he’s always been in this singular memoir of transition. Full of unexpected heroes and heart.” 
People Magazine 

“Moving, crucially important . . . A beautifully told story of family and identity.” 
Newsday 

“Beautifully written and incredibly moving. I felt honored to read this book and feel it is one that should be read by everyone to get a better sense of how we all inhabit this world.”
Debutiful 

“This debut memoir is one of unshakeable honesty and truth in identity… Radclyffe’s story is one of flaws and fear, vulnerabilities and triumphs; don’t miss it.” 
Ms Magazine 

“This book is consistently frank, vulnerable, perspicacious, and insightful, covering an impressive variety of aspects of the transgender experience in intimate, lyrical language and dry, compassionate humor. The author’s analysis of privilege is particularly refreshing, as is his description of transitioning as a parent. A stunning memoir about discovering one’s identity late in life.” 
Kirkus Reviews, starred review 

“This book is as sharp as razors, but it also pulses with a passionate, desperate, human urgency for truth and liberation. I am deeply grateful to have read it, and my hope is that Oliver's story will free many others, as well."Elizabeth Gilbert

“The finest literary telling of the experience of gender transition that I’ve ever read.” 
Kate Bornstein 

Additional praise for Frighten the Horses

  • Jennifer Finney Boylan, author of She’s Not There

    “Wise, generous, and fierce, Frighten the Horses is about more than a change of gender; it’s about the perilous process of accepting the self, in all its gnarly, glorious complexity. Oliver Radclyffe finds more than manhood on his inspiring journey; what he finds, in the end, is his humanity.”

  • Edmund White, author of The Humble Lover

    “In this exquisite memoir of a trans-man, an upper middle-class Englishwoman gives up her country, her status, her wealth, her marriage, her new lesbian identity (and partner) in order to release and achieve her true male self. Oliver Radclyffe would be a major writer no matter what subject he embraced. That he has explored the mysteries of class, gender, and nationality makes Frighten the Horses a heart-felt, cant-free book of universal interest.”

  • Lauren Hough, author of Leaving Isn't the Hardest Thing

    “Frighten the Horses is an extraordinary, richly detailed account of self-realization elevated by Radclyffe's natural storytelling. Oliver Radclyffe writes with both bracing clarity and exquisite tenderness, for his family, his community, and his former self. The result is a powerful, absolutely necessary, and utterly engaging memoir that cannot be put down and will not be forgotten. Frighten the Horses is a gift, to all of us, and should be on every reading list.”

  • Sarah Schulman, author of Let the Record Show

    “This easy-to-read, almost jocular memoir is a tribute to how much the trans trajectory has been transformed by the existence of queer bookstores, lesbian and transmasc books, LGBT centers and their accompanying support groups. And how all of this labor to create infrastructure has succeeded in making transition so much more possible, not only for trans people, but for their parents, children, friends and even ex-husbands. This hopeful retelling of one life, from the post-transition perspective, makes trans a more viable possibility and documents this historical moment of opportunity and resource.”

  • Thomas Page McBee, author of Amateur

    For Oliver Radclyffe, trans becoming is as much about finding himself as it is an awakening to the many gendered narratives that conspire to keep him trapped. Brimming with wry wit, radical candor, and vulnerability, Frighten the Horses is a fearless exploration of the liberation that comes from unwinding the narratives that we don’t choose but so often define us, and the beautiful new futures that exist on the horizon of our imaginations—if we are only willing to risk everything to open our eyes, and really, really look.

  • Tim Murphy, author of Christadora

    A tremendously warm, moving and oh, so Britishly droll account of Radclyffe's tortured and giddy journey to peel back his layers and embody the person he was truly meant to be. Anyone who's struggled with breaking from their own chains and daring to know themselves fully—whether gender-related or otherwise—will find comfort and fellowship in these pages. And hopefully those who have struggled or resisted understanding of what it means to be transgender will have their minds and hearts open, if they only give Radclyffe's incredibly charming and poignant memoir a chance.

  • Sabrina Imbler, author of How Far the Light Reaches

    A blazingly tender memoir of blooming late, changing sex, and choosing joy. Oliver Radclyffe is a compulsively likeable narrator of his life, recounting a winding path toward manhood with valiant wit and vulnerability. No matter how many people hurt or desert him during his transition, Radclyffe continues to move toward love, care, and possibility. Radclyffe’s perspective as a parent is infinitely capacious, detailing the many ways he has been transformed by his four curious, big-hearted children, whose wishes matter just as much as his own. I have no doubt Radclyffe’s life story will remind countless others that it is never too late to live as yourself, without fear. Frighten the Horses is nothing less than a celebration of life.

  • Julie Lythcott-Haims, author of Real American

    “With his profound gift of a memoir, Frighten the Horses, Radclyffe permits the reader to witness a human chiseling away at obfuscation to reveal the yearned-for self. We feel the visceral bewilderment of living in the wrong body, and the evolving surety that comes through every step of transition. An account of becoming. A statement of arrival. A generous act of service to all who are making the same journey, or who yearn to.”

  • Alice Carriere, author of Everything Nothing Someone

    “As we follow Oliver deeper into himself, we access a wellspring of quenching trans joy. I wanted to remain in Radclyffe’s pages, to submerge myself a little longer in such tenderness, humor, and courage.”

  • Meredith Talusan, author of Fairest: A Memoir

    "Oliver Radclyffe's Frighten the Horses is an intimate, deeply absorbing journey into the heart of what makes a life. It isn't wealth or marriage, a prototypical family or whatever else society expects, but the quest for one's own unique happiness. Radclyffe's is not merely a memoir about being trans; it's a memoir about how to find the kindest life in an often cruel world."

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